I think I'm getting the Black Lung, Pop.

For the past few days I have had an incessant cough that's kept me from sleeping. My voice is all raspy and sultry. I was starting to hope it would stay this way until one of my friends told me, “You sort of sound like Tara Reid.”

Yeah, that pretty much killed the sexy.

Anyway, last night I had to take a sleeping pill and Nyquil just to get to sleep. Let’s hear it for over the counter drug abuse! My plan of attack tonight is to lie on the couch watching TV until I pass out. I hope it works, because I could really use a good night’s sleep.

Props to Joe for inspiring the title of this post. And Ben Stiller, of course. Don’t ever say I don’t give credit where credit is due. Also, don’t sue me. Thanks.

Sweet dreams, everyone. Good night. I hope.

Match.com: Or, why I am single.

One of my friends is recently single and joined match.com to try and meet people. The thing is, she is gorgeous and vivacious and meets men all the time and doesn’t need to go online to meet guys. Over the course of the one week my friend has been a match.com member, 527 people have looked at her profile.

527 people.

Five hundred twenty seven people.

Who are all these people? Where are all these people? Oh wait, I know – sitting in front of their computers. This is why I don’t meet any good men, because they are all at home on the internet.

Well, okay, maybe if I didn't spend every night at home watching Star Trek and chilling with the cats, maybe I might meet some single guys.

But probably not, because they are all sitting at home flirting with hot girls on match.com.

Anyhoo, one frightening thing I learned tonight is that when you look at someone’s match.com profile, they can see that you looked at them. Which is bad because I recently met a cute guy and we sort of hit it off but I wanted to make sure he wasn't an escaped convict, or worse, married with kids.

So I did what anyone would do.

I looked him up on match.com.

Lo and behold, there he was. Not only did the info in his profile check out with what he told me, he sounded like a really genuine guy, someone I could totally go for.

Unfortunately, now that he thinks I’m silently stalking him, he will probably never contact me again.

Ack.

My friend with the 527 profile hits says who cares, I should just e-mail him anyway, but screw it, I’m going to try and grasp at that last thread of dignity I have left and forget about him.

And the next time I meet someone I am remotely interested in, I will make a concerted effort not to stalk him in cyberspace.

Chris Noth Vs. John Corbett

Sex in the City is not a show I follow. In fact, I've never seen a complete episode. Today, however, I caught part of the episode where Sarah Jessica Parker is dating John Corbett (of Northern Exposure fame) and she runs into and subsequently sleeps with ex-boyfriend, now unhappy newlywed, Chris Noth (of Law and Order fame). Then John Corbett gets back from some trip and is all “Sarah Jessica Parker, I looove you” and she’s all “Uh, uh, I guess I love you too?” But she really doesn’t, because she just cheated on him with Chris Noth!

The point is, Sarah Jessica, what were you thinking? Am I missing something here because I didn’t see the whole episode and I don't follow the show? In the battle between Chris Noth and John Corbett, John Corbett would win hands down! Chris Noth, blech. John Corbett, yay! No question about it.

Pumpkins: Or, reasons to be happy, take one.

I came home from work today to find two pumpkins sitting on my doorstep. I live in a condo complex and share a stoop with my next-door neighbors, so I figured they were my neighbors' pumpkins. But they were right in front of my door. Seriously, WTF.

As I'm walking up the stairs, kinda ticked off and wondering if I can move the pumpkins over to the other side of the stoop without my neighbors noticing, I realize there is a little note card stuck in my screen door.

Interesting.

Perhaps, I imagine as I grab the note from the door, the pumpkins are from my ex. He knows I love to carve pumpkins for Halloween, and I haven’t been speaking to him so maybe he’s trying to make nice. Nothing says "Sorry I dumped you and starting dating your friend of 25 years two weeks after we broke up" quite like a heartfelt gift of fat orange gourds, right? Although to be honest I'd prefer it if he gave me the stuff of mine he still has (i.e. trekking poles, guitar, hair dryer) instead.

I grab the card and go inside. I tear open the envelope, and the note says:

Dear Pumpkin-carving Lady,
These pumpkins appear worthy of your talents! Whatever you do with them, it will never be cat-astrophic.

Sincerely,
Neighbor

This note makes me laugh out loud.

Every year at Halloween, I carve a pumpkin. Two years ago, when I first moved into my condo, I carved a jack-o-lantern of a cat silhouetted against a moon. A few days after Halloween, one of my neighbors, an older gentleman, knocked on my door to compliment me on my mad pumpkin carving skills. Last year I again carved what was supposed to be a cat silhouetted against a moon, but it ended up looking like a squirrel sitting on a tree branch. (I made the tail a little fluffy).

To tell the truth, it really made me happy to get some pumpkins on my doorstep. It was completely unexpected and it made me smile. It’s not every day you come home to random pumpkins. Now I just have to figure out what to carve.

Perhaps something like this? I think I've had enough of cats.

Don't Mess With Texas

I took a break from writing for awhile because I was on a business trip in Texas. Not that anyone was bothered by my absence, since 2 of the 4 people who know about my blog's existence were in Texas with me.

Now that I'm home I'm trying to get back into the swing of blogging. Surprisingly, I've been looking forward to writing new entries. This is new for me. In college I really hated the process of writing. I'd like the end results, but I'd hate what it took to get there. Oooh, anyway, there's a tangent for you.

Texas was pretty cool. Some of the sessions were very educational. I am a shy, socially phobic person and I have trouble talking to people I don't know. Some of the speakers talked about networking and business communication skills and I actually got a lot out of these lectures. One day at lunch I even forced myself to make conversation with a complete stranger. It was not as bad as I feared - in fact, I really enjoyed myself. Time to start broadening my horizons and stop fearing others.

So that's all I'll say about Texas. For now, at least. I can't talk too much about it because that would be getting into work and I don't particularly want to go there.

Today's link is it's all a dream. This site amuses me greatly.

Off to clean my closet now. Later, peeps.

The I'm Game

The I’m Game is something for which I cannot take credit. In fact, it’s the brainchild of an ex-boyfriend from college. He wore fingerless leather gloves and liked to pretend he was a pirate named Redbeard. Yeah, I don’t know. My taste in men is…eclectic.

The Game goes something like this: say you are watching TV, and you see a trailer for a movie and at the end the trailer says “This movie is coming soon to a theatre near you!” you’d say, “I’m coming soon to a theatre near you!”

Dumb, I know. But you will start playing it. You don’t want to, but trust me, you will. And then you will be addicted.

I’ve got everyone in the office playing it now, even the new guy, who thought it was the dumbest thing he’d ever heard and refused to play ever. Now he can’t stop. One day someone was eating Mexican for lunch, and said “This is so hot and spicy!” And one of us called out “I’m so hot and spicy!” You get the idea. Trust me, there have been ones that are much more funny and risqué, but I can’t remember them at the moment. I’ll start writing them down.

Well, wasn’t this a thrilling entry? Aren’t you glad you stopped by? Coming Soon: Why I Like Star Trek (And No, I Am NOT A Trekkie!). I bet you are all dying to hear that one!

As an added bonus, I’ve decided to include a cool link in each of my postings, just to make things a little more interesting. Today’s link was going to be this (I managed to stump it with Brisco County, Jr.), but for some reason that site won’t load on my computer (probably because I am still using dial up. What can I say, I’m cheap.). So anyway, today’s link instead will be How to Talk Like a Pirate. Don’t forget, September 19 is Talk Like a Pirate Day! Thanks to Mr. I at work for sending this along.

Peace out, y’all.

I'm actually posting. Where's my medal??

Okay, so. Against my better judgment I have actually given a few of my friends the website for my blog. I know the purpose of a blog is to have others read it, but I am an intensely private person and it kind of freaks me out to know that other people have access to my inner thoughts. I’m a bit paranoid about it really. So anyway, you three who have this address (and you know who you are), be nice, okay? Don’t go hurting my feelings with mean and hurtful comments, got it? I’m very fragile. Really.

I’ve been doing some thinking and if I am really going to do this blog thing, I think I need some ground rules. First of all, I’m not going to talk about work. At least, I’m not going to talk about anything that directly relates to the industry I’m in and the actual work that I do during the day. My coworkers are really highly amusing and I might on occasion be tempted to share some stupid story about our office silliness. But anything else work related is off limits. Because I am paranoid about such things.

Secondly, I’m going to attempt not to go into too much personal detail about my life. Again – paranoid! Don’t worry, I’m very boring. You’re not missing anything.

And last (for now), when I do talk about my personal life, everyone’s going to get pseudonyms. So if you have a request for an alter ego now, better let me know or else I’m making one up for you. (Zuluboy, is that what you really want to be called???)

Well, so, this is my first real posting. Not too interesting but I’ll try to work on that. Stick around, the fun stuff will start eventually. Oh, I just thought up another rule: I will try not to talk about my cats too much. This may be kind of hard because they are cool. Also I think they have mastered the art of mind control so who knows, maybe they will take over the blog some day (Guiseppe, I’m sure you’ll have a comment to make about this).

Okay, signing off for now. Later, peeps.

Testing, 123, is this thing on?

This is a test of the blogger system. Let's see if this works and if I actually have the dedication to keep up with it!