For Steve

Today I learned that it's impossible to stealthily purchase a statue of naked people at the Salvation Army. Especially when the statue is 3 feet tall. It's not like condoms or tampons. You can't just sneak it onto the counter and expect that the cashier will look the other way.

Saturday I went to the Salvation Army looking for a costume for a play, and I saw this statue of two naked people intertwined in an embrace. It's an ugly gray plaster statue, and I would have bought it right then and there if it had only been $5. But it was $30, which is a ridiculous price for anything at the Salvation Army. Then I told one of my friends about it, and she is an artist, and she is getting married, and she thought it sounded fantastic.

So I went back today hoping that maybe, just maybe, this awesome/terrible statue would still be there. I was actually worried that someone else would have snatched it out from under me. But as luck would have it, the statue was still there. I circled it for awhile, kind of embarrassed that I was actually considering getting it. Then I took a deep breath and picked it up and carried it to the counter. Immediately, the cashier says, "Finally, someone's buying that thing! I was going to wait until it went on sale and then maybe get it myself!" So of course I say, "Wait, when is it going on sale?" Alas, not for another two weeks, and I just couldn't take the chance.

I bought it. And I didn't bargain for it, because I don't think they let you do that at the Salvation Army. I might just putting a bow on it and put it out on the gift table at my friend's wedding. (Don't think I'm cheap - they have actually requested no gifts, so I'm really going overboard here.) Babbling away nervously, I explained all this to the cashier. By this time another cashier had come up to the counter and was also commenting on the statue. They were giving me tips on how I could present it. Drape a scarf around it, put a veil on it! It would look great in a garden or on a patio. Oh, but then you'd have to weatherproof it somehow. Etc, etc. Cashier #1 also shared that if she ever does get married, she's going to wear black. Because she thinks wearing white means something, and she doesn't want to disrespect that. And now I know a little bit more about her.

So Steve, this is my blog for you! Because I promised you I would blog, and I did! I hope you are suitabley impressed.

Edited to add: Oops! I almost forgot to link to your blog, Steve. Everyone go read Steve's awesome blog.

Happy Freakin' New Year

Okay, all 3 of my fans, as you all know, 2009 has not been very good to me so far. Thank god there are still another 347 days left in the year in which good things can happen. Anyway, I'm getting back on the wagon and blogging again. It's about time, I know.

This is just going to be a quickie entry to say hello and commit to having something more substantial posted within the week. I intend to use this blog to get some more practice writing, and gain some perspective about life. It will definitely be cathartic, that's for sure. And hopefully it will amuse you as well.

Signing off for now, I promise some excellent entries about the most recent ridiculous-ness that has been my life so far this year. Oooh, I'm so melodramatic, aren't you intrigued already?

Edited to add: As you can probably tell, I've had a depressing couple of weeks. But some good has come of it, which I will go into in more detail in future posts. But I would like to share a couple of thoughts that I have come across that have helped me out a bit.

First, don't let someone else's actions hold you hostage. (Unless it is a physical hostage situation. Which hopefully you will never experience. In which case, don't try to be the hero, just lay low until the cops rescue you.)

Second, enjoy the fun of failure.

Pretty deep, huh? Those are some philosophical thoughts to get you thinking until my next post. These came from the Happiness Project. I have to admit that my inherently cynical nature makes me raise an eyebrow at some of the stuff on this website, but at the same time, there's a lot of good food for thought.

Booyah

Okay, I admit, I do actually use a bunch of those phrases that annoy me. Particularly "at the end of the day". I once used that phrase twice in an e-mail that was only a paragraph long.

Also - I think "booyah" should make the list of annoying phrases. Aaaand I just used that phrase a couple of posts ago. Heh.

Lastly, this picture just makes me laugh.

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/03/19/picard-cat/

Things that annoy me, part one: annoying phrases

Today Theresa and I made a list of phrases/words that annoy us. Here are the results, in no particular order:

1. Apples to apples
2. Just in the nick of time
3. Don't worry, be happy
4. Turn that frown upside down!
5. Petunia (I don’t know why, I hate this word)
6. To thine ownself be true
7. The road less traveled
8. At the end of the day...
9. The fact of the matter is....
10. Cut to the chase
11. Think outside the box
12. My bad
13. Start from square one
14. She’s good people
15. Whazzzuuuupp
16. Pick your brain
17. On the same page
18. Keep it real
19. Various sports analogies, i.e. "Give it 110%" or "right out of the gate"
20. Cut from the same cloth

Phrases that I am kind of into right now:

1. Snerk!
2. Jiminy Cricket!
3. That's the bees knees
4. What the hey!
5. Holy crap balls!
6. What the f***, a$$hole! (okay, I know this isn't really a "catchphrase", but I say it all the time while I am driving)

More to come, as we think of them.

Edited to add: O, added "Holy crap balls" just for you.

Cat plus bug

Cats plus random bug flying around the house = hilarity.

Also - day 4 of heat wave and I have yet to put on my air conditioner. This is a personal triumph for me. I kind of feel like if I can handle 4 days of 90 degree plus temperatures without succumbing to the temptation of air conditioning, then I can rule the world. Or something like that.

AND I played softball today in 100 degree heat. And we won! My awesomeness is astounding....

I'm in another play

Booyah - I'm in another play! How awesome is that. I'm playing an Italian-American character called "Tootsie". Which is funny because I am Italian-American and when I was a kid I tried to get people to call me "Trixie", which sort of sounds like "Tootsie". It never caught on, I'm sorry to say. Ah well.

Tom: hi. What's up. You are the only person that comments on my blog. I had fun at Eli's on Friday. Scott and his fiance (was it Kim? I'm bad with names) are very cool. You and Scott and your drunken Star Wars references were hilarious, even though I didn't get most of them. Wish we could have stayed longer. Sigh.

In which I am unintentionally offensive

So after years and years I'm finally involved in theater again. I did a play recently and now I'm doing some stuff for a local community theater group. We had a meeting last week and I got into a discussion about "the craft" of acting, and I think I may have made an unintentionally offensive comment.

There was a new guy at the meeting, and he told us he had only done one play in his whole life, and he kept apologizing for it. Which was just strange. I guess he felt insecure around people that have done more theater than he has, but it bugged me. I don't think it matters if you've done one play or 85, as long as you have fun and the audience is entertained. Look at me! This was the first full length play I'd been in since high school, and even though I majored in theater, seriously, all I remember is what a proscenium stage is (you can wikipedia that if you want to know, I'm too lazy right now to put in the link).

Finally, I said, "listen, please stop apologizing and making excuses, the truth of the matter is that no one really knows what they are doing anyway." And I'm afraid it may have come across as offensive. I think it's true, though - I think acting isn't really a quantitative thing, and to some extent no one really does know what they are doing. Good actors just have a natural ability, and they can hone their skills and put in hard work to understand a character, but when you get right down do it, either you have it or you don't. And as far as community theater is concerned, we're all just people who like to get up and act from time to time, and none of us will ever be famous, and it's really just a way to have fun and you can't take it too seriously. I mean, look, we do community theater in a bar. You have to take it with a grain of salt. All that matters is you learn your lines and you get up on stage and you say them, and you try not to mess up too badly.

So I wasn't really into the discussion about "the craft" that ensued. I guess it activated my bullshit-ometer.

Huh

So I had this realization today that I only check my "myspace" page when I have had a few drinks. What is up with that....honestly, I don't even check my regular e-mail that often because I work on a computer all freaking day long. I have been known to go weeks without checking e-mail, let alone myspace and facebook. I don't remember the last time I checked facebook. It's like watching "Lost" - it's just too much work.

So that is the revelation of the day.

In other news, no one looks at my blog anymore except for ex-boyfriends on other continents, and maybe Tom (maybe). Oh, and my softball team had our first game of the season and we won 8 to 3. Or maybe 8 to 4. Whatever, we won. I walked, then struck out swinging (in rec league softball, oh, the shame!!), and then grounded out to short. Sigh.

I have a feeling I will regret this post and take it down tomorrow.