For Steve

Today I learned that it's impossible to stealthily purchase a statue of naked people at the Salvation Army. Especially when the statue is 3 feet tall. It's not like condoms or tampons. You can't just sneak it onto the counter and expect that the cashier will look the other way.

Saturday I went to the Salvation Army looking for a costume for a play, and I saw this statue of two naked people intertwined in an embrace. It's an ugly gray plaster statue, and I would have bought it right then and there if it had only been $5. But it was $30, which is a ridiculous price for anything at the Salvation Army. Then I told one of my friends about it, and she is an artist, and she is getting married, and she thought it sounded fantastic.

So I went back today hoping that maybe, just maybe, this awesome/terrible statue would still be there. I was actually worried that someone else would have snatched it out from under me. But as luck would have it, the statue was still there. I circled it for awhile, kind of embarrassed that I was actually considering getting it. Then I took a deep breath and picked it up and carried it to the counter. Immediately, the cashier says, "Finally, someone's buying that thing! I was going to wait until it went on sale and then maybe get it myself!" So of course I say, "Wait, when is it going on sale?" Alas, not for another two weeks, and I just couldn't take the chance.

I bought it. And I didn't bargain for it, because I don't think they let you do that at the Salvation Army. I might just putting a bow on it and put it out on the gift table at my friend's wedding. (Don't think I'm cheap - they have actually requested no gifts, so I'm really going overboard here.) Babbling away nervously, I explained all this to the cashier. By this time another cashier had come up to the counter and was also commenting on the statue. They were giving me tips on how I could present it. Drape a scarf around it, put a veil on it! It would look great in a garden or on a patio. Oh, but then you'd have to weatherproof it somehow. Etc, etc. Cashier #1 also shared that if she ever does get married, she's going to wear black. Because she thinks wearing white means something, and she doesn't want to disrespect that. And now I know a little bit more about her.

So Steve, this is my blog for you! Because I promised you I would blog, and I did! I hope you are suitabley impressed.

Edited to add: Oops! I almost forgot to link to your blog, Steve. Everyone go read Steve's awesome blog.