Sometimes I imagine that I have an alter ego who is brutally honest. Brutally Honest Trish would tell Loud Guy on the bus to shut up, because it is 6:45 in the morning and no one cares about how much he liked Wedding Crashers. Brutally Honest Trish would tell the guy hitting on her at the bar that he’s boring and she doesn’t feel like talking about John Roberts’ confirmation hearings for half an hour. Brutally Honest Trish would tell people in the hallways not to chat right in front of her desk because she doesn’t care who won last night’s game and for the love of god, could you at least go to a conference room?
No one would be safe from her wrath.
Unfortunately, I am not Brutally Honest Trish. I am Painfully Polite Trish. I smile and nod and pretend to be interested in what people have to say even if they are really annoying and I refrain from telling Loud Guy on the bus to shut his mouth when it’s not even 7 am and everyone is half asleep and wants to kill him.
But a girl can dream, right?
So, this year for Halloween I have decided I am going to be a superhero. I’m not going to be Brutally Honest Trish, because that could get ugly, especially if I’m drinking.
Instead, I am going to be the Bullsh!t Avenger.
I got the idea while we were discussing someone’s work in my writing class. The discussion began with one woman saying, “I like your use of metaphors.” To which the teacher replied, “Which metaphors?” My classmate’s response was, “You know, all the different metaphors.”
And so was born the Bullsh!t Avenger.
Theresa helped me design and shop for my costume, which consists of a red cape, knee high black boots, a short black skirt, and a white t-shirt that has a red circle with “BS” crossed out in the middle. Like the Ghostbusters logo, only with “BS” instead of the ghost guy.
I’m sure I’ll spend most of the evening explaining the costume to people, and I’m sure most people won’t get it, but whatever. If people don't get it, screw 'em. If people do get it, then they understand the need for a Bullsh!t Avenger, someone whose mission in life is to seek out and destroy all the bullsh!t of the world.
So, dear readers, 3 questions for you to think about:
1. What is your superhero persona?
2. If you could be brutally honest about one thing, what would it be?
3. What are you going to be for Halloween?
6 comments:
Before any of my friends and coworkers comment, I'd like to add the disclaimer that you are all extremely entertaining and I never have to pretend to be interested in what you are saying.
Thank you for understanding :)
You're right, being the Brutally Honest Trish could be dangerous. But think of how freeing it would be!
Brutally Honest Leslie would tell half the girls at work that they're not nearly as pretty as they think they are, and if they need that much makeup to look "okay", then they're just SOL.
I want to be a kissing booth for Halloween (why can't I get a little action on Halloween?), but Jason is pretty against it. Actually, he saw this girl dressed up as a slutty Bo Peep and now he's hounding me to do that. He thinks sexy and the best he can come up with is a sheep herder? Please.
For one day, I would like to be Brutally Honest Lisa. On this day, I would tell people EXACTLY what I thought of them. As I told my thoughts, I would give them a magic potion that would allow them to completely forget what I said, and the next day, it's as if nothing happened. But with my luck, the potion would have no effect.
By the way, LOVE the costume idea. Forgot to mention that in my previous comment.
Oh, one more thing: I need to come up with a Halloween costume that's school-appropriate. Suggestions?
Lisa, why don't you go as a deranged French teacher? ;)
I can give you my life jacket and kayak paddle, and you can go as a kayaker. Then you could threaten kids with the paddle if they're bad. He he he.
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